Pain, Exhaustion, Depression

You know something? I have found out through the years that there is a plethora of good well meaning Christians who have stories of how they overcame this or that problem; many who have found a Biblical way to good health; someone who has heard of someone who has had great results with a new health pill, or diet that will give you perfect health; the smiley get more of the ‘Joy of the Lord’ crowd; and of course, those who are subtly or not so subtly trying to find out what you did or didn’t do to have this (lack of quiet time, not enough time in the word, not tithing enough, lack of faith, or some hidden evil desire). I probably have missed some… and probably been some of these at times.

As Christians we have taken on society’s idea that there is a fix for everything. You know the verse. “For God so loved the world that he FIXED IT.” That would have been a whole lot easier than what he did. And we like the easy fix. All of the above, plus send them some money and a card.

Of course the verse is:
John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life”.

I am glad that you have a wise woman as a friend who said that we are sick, for no better reason than that we live in a fallen world and there is sickness in that fallen world. God gave his son to a fallen world that ‘whoever’ or I like the older translation ‘whosoever’(that means absolutely anyone) believes in him will not perish when this fallen world ends, but will have everlasting life.

You are probably saying right now, “Get to the Point. I am hurting and exhausted!” So, am I, and I will get to that soon.

The point is God did not ‘fix’ the world. He sent his son who ‘overcame’ the world. I think people who have fibromyalgia or other painful and (I will use the word) debilitating conditions can really understand what Jesus meant in John 16:33 “I have spoken these things to you that you may have peace in Me. You have distress in the world; but be encouraged, I have overcome the world.”

I am almost to the end…. I think… You may hope? (My humor is really off?)

To me this means:
1. I don’t have to fix myself. Jesus didn’t fix the world so we could fix ourselves to be a useful part of His Kingdom.
2. An eternity of pain free life with unlimited energy puts this time of ‘distress’ in a whole different perspective.
3. My witness and ministry are unaffected by my chronic condition. In a way Jesus had a chronic condition that ended after 3 ½ years of ministry. He had to suffer, die and be resurrected to ‘overcome’ sin and death and the world.
4. God uses the weakness of people to show his power.
5. I don’t have to fix anyone else.

I want to paint a picture of where I was in the past to get a perspective on where I am now. In general I was a pretty laid back person who enjoyed life. Our family motto (informally) was ‘we can do that.’ In 1989 I rode across ND for the Lung association. 405 mile in 5 days. If you are a bicyclist that means 3 – 100 mile (century) rides, plus 2 more long rides. Over 100 degree highs for each day plus we were going east and we had a wind at 20 to 25 mph coming at us the whole way. I completed the entire trip even when there were days that the State Highway Patrol were pulling bicyclist from the group off the road because it was too dangerous to be on the road.

I normally rode bicycle to and from work (12 miles) each day plus rode 20 miles each weekday and 40 on Saturday. We had 5 children 3 of them were ‘special needs’ and adopted into our family. We had a half acre organic garden, and raised produce to sell (to pay for garden expenses) and canned and froze the rest including apples, cherries, and wild plums that we had planted or were growing on our 2 acre lot. I built play houses, forts, all kinds of cool play equipment from lumber and parts gathered in very creative ways. Plus, I spent a lot of time with my kids.

I worked 40 hours per week at a job with quite a bit of statewide travel. With a houseful of kids, we remodeled our kitchen, and other rooms in our house that needed constant fixing.

I was very involved in my church, leading adult Sunday School, cooking for many events, starting a drama ministry, and leading a weekly Sunday night ‘Prayer and Praise’ service.

So, today I am sitting at my computer, a young 55 (still working on what I’ll be when I grow up!), retired from a job I loved, and unable to do most of the things above, plus a myriad of others because of my disability.

I have Sjogren’s Syndrome, fibromyalgia (which may just be a part of my Sjogren’s, peripheral neuropathy, reynaud’s syndrome and a whole lot more.

I actually am having a bad week, the pain is going past ‘5’ on the ‘1 to 10’ pain scale which you may already be tired of doctors and practitioners asking you!! And, I am on some serious painkillers. I was diagnosed with Sjogren’s in 2008 but since then have figured that I have had some version of it for at least 20 years.

I get fatigued easily and am easily distracted. I started this yesterday, and have taken several breaks this morning already.

During the past 10 years, I started to have symptoms of fatigue, and other seemingly unrelated symptoms. I would have considered myself very healthy prior to that, healthy food from Organic Garden and active member of health-food store. As symptoms increased, I think I tried every alternative to prescription medications, including enzyme analysis and a bunch of other things. For me, nothing made a difference, but I am different. Actually, I was created by my creator as a unique one of a kind person, so things that help others may not help me. Don’t tell my friend who sells Mellaluca (tea tree oil) that I said that! LOL

I would love to have things under control by a healthy Organic, gluten free, MSG free, sugar free, processed food free, etc… But, the bottom line is that we live in a fallen broken world that we cannot fix, and we at some point have to rely on physicians (who are still practicing…LOL) to prescribe medications that may or may not work on you. I changed doctors several times till I found one that could give recommendations on what he knew, and would use specialists to help identify what he didn’t know.

I am currently on a number of medications that we have balance out over the years. If someone adds a new medication, I work with my doctor to see if we can lower the dosage or remove another, which has happened.

I know this is getting long, but I have energy to do this right now, so am including a lot.

When I look back, I realize that I probably compensated for symptoms for a long time and finally couldn’t compensate anymore. So sheer mind over matter doesn’t work either.

This may be a bit fragmented, but hopefully you are not feeling totally hopeless. Because, there is hope.

Now a little after 1 year of being unemployed and being at home, I realize that God still meets our needs. I had as usual planned to accomplish a lot more than I actually got done. I feel like I didn’t get anything done, but my sense of time is changing. God is in charge, and some of us are running on his timetable and not ours!! I’m learning.

Even though I am now exhausted and need to take a break, I know I was able to share my story with you and tell you God is faithful and He gives peace in time of ‘distress’.

You can be encouraged knowing that He ‘overcame’ the world so you wouldn’t have to fix it. Please feel free to contact me. I’d love to listen and share with you. You are not alone in your pain.

Actually, In this week with pain and fatigue, when I was feeling really alone and useless. My daughter in law sent me the link to your blog. (She is the best daughter in law I could have expected. She is such a creative loving person and a very real honest Christian woman.) That email and your blog was what I needed.

With that I leave you with a blessing.
Father, give your daughter your peace which does pass all understanding. Free her from the standards of this broken world, and bring healing to her. In the precious name of Your Son, Jesus. Amen (So be it)